Will they ever survive?

Monday was another one of those days that had me functioning on autopilot with little emotion. You know those days that are just so jammed packed with school, meals, dishes, laundry, more school, more meals, and more dishes. By 6pm I made the announcement that the next time I heard "Mama, I need you" I would spank. Eric had a hurt back and came home from work and went right to bed so he was little relief to the all day chaos. By 9pm all I wanted was to nurse my little man and go to sleep. My flesh was screaming of my woes of having no time for my self and if sleep was all I was allowed, I wanted all I could get. Get this, Judson would not nurse. He would latch on and bite, latch on and bite, ect. I was so mad. I would pull him away and say sternly, "NO!". How dare he bite me when I was so tired and just trying to feed him. Finally I gave up and just put him in his own bed to cry it out. He finally fell asleep. 30 min. later John Mark was awake and needing loving, so in my bed he came. This woke Judson up who wanted to nurse. This time he would not even latch on. He would root around but only to refuse. This went on for 5 hours. Miserable doesn't even come close, you know. Judson was screaming and would not accept any comfort. Around 3am he threw his head back in a fit and I saw something in his mouth. He had a furniture tack stuck in the roof of his mouth. The nail end, thankfully was already gone and not stuck into his flesh but the rough round end had created a STRONG suction to the roof of his mouth. It took great force to remove it. He ended up with blisters and scrapes on the roof of his mouth. He was so traumatised that he refused to nurse the rest of the night and on thru the next day. He still is very hesitant to nurse but is getting better each time.

How long had that thing been in his mouth? Where did he get such a thing? Was he biting me or was I being irritated by the tack? Was I being stern and jerking him away for something he wasn't even in control over? My poor baby. Will I ever lie down at the end of a long day and know that I did a good job that day? Will John Mark ever stay or be where I think he should be? Will any of them ever survive my feeble attempt at parenting? Thanks be to God, when I am weak, He is strong.