Drowning!!!

I described the way I felt as drowning to a friend the other day. Every time I get my head slightly above water I get pushed back down with just a small breath. Right now I am trying to be so thankful for those small breaths but then again I know I cannot survive this way. Let me explain with bullet points as Katy W. does so well.

. I cannot educate 4 children as well as they should be educated.
. My time with my boys is sparse.
. Healthy meals????
. I cannot keep my house clean.
. Honda is cutting back on production $$$
. Eric who?
. With my milk production being better than it has ever been, mastitis is still plaguing me with fever, chills, and pain. Judson is refusing that side so he is super fussy.
. Quiet Time. Neither of those words have meaning to me especially when you put them together.
. Changing out summer clothes for winter clothes takes a LONG time and can get out of hand quickly
. I do not like Eric on 2nd shift.

Of course I have a plan. I always come up with a plan to fix things, right? So follow my list of ways to fix ALL my issues. HAHA

Sunday morning the plan was to send Ellie to JCA. By Monday evening my mind had changed and I wanted to send them all to JCA. After you are paying for 4 the rest go free! I had wonderful reasons why that was the best thing for all of us. Eric scoffed and said NONE were ready, I cried:(

Tuesday morning I am convinced I must visit Dr. Young and get happy pills. By Tuesday night the happy pill idea faded and I have a new idea. I need a maid!!
I mean really, if I were willing to pay for all my kiddos to go to school then I could just use that money to hire a maid. Eric shot that idea down too, I really cried:(

This morning (Wednesday) my mastitis has subsided and my fever finally has gone away. The core of my house is some what clean, I finally got all those summer/winter clothes situated, Eric has done my laundry, school went so so and I now realize what I knew deep down all along... Eric is a rock solid and will not be swayed by my waves of emotion, don't pay me any attention when I have mastitis and Eric is on 2nd shift and what I really need is NOT a list to fix things but Jesus. I would still like a maid though.

Is there light at the end of the tunnel, it may be far away but, I hope so. My children's education may not be able to measure up and at times that is very unsettling, especially in today's society. I would like to be able to say that at least they are getting to see mama's walk with the Lord and the joy that it brings but unfortunately not much joy has been oozing here lately.

Lisa S. is a treasure. She spent some time with me, bought me a candle, magazine, and ice cream, and brainstormed with me on how to fix things until Eric shot us both down. Thank You Lisa. OR were you just trying to blow my diet with that ice cream so that you would win the cash??? HMMMM

Trials will lead a believer to Christ and I now that I am at the end of all my ideas I really just want to hear from my Maker.


ANYWAY

Fall is coming up and Eric and I want to dress up with the kids for some of the festivities. We have some ideas we are toying around with. I thought about being the old lady who lived in a shoe ???? Eric's said we could be the Brady Bunch but the boys are too little and Ellie would have to be Alice. Eric still wants Judson to be a pirate. When he was diagnosed Eric said he would always be dressed as a pirate for all the festivals.

Thanks for letting me vent to all my blog friends.