Self -Righteousness

A few Sundays ago my pastor delivered a sermon that knocked me off of my self righteous high horse. Most of my blog readers go to Grace Fellowship and know what I am talking about. For the readers I have that do not, let me catch you up. John 8, the part when the adulterous women is thrown at Jesus' feet and condemned by the Pharisees. Jesus ask the one who is with out sin to cast the first stone and of course they all tuck tail and run. Jesus then forgives the woman and tells her to sin no more. In the sermon, it was brought out that the most despicable sin was not that of the adulterous woman but the self righteousness of the Pharisees. I AM A PHARISEE. But my self righteousness is gained through grey matters not a black and white issues like adultery. At least the pharisees knew that was absolutely against God. You see mine is in all these gray areas that I have laid down as my own way to please God. Here are a few things in my life that I think make me more righteous than...lets say you! I am a stay at home mom, I home school, I have 7 children, my husband is faithful, my house is nicer than yours, or maybe some days it is that your house is nicer than mine so you must be of the more worldly than I am to think so much of your house, I attend church every Sunday, I do not drink, my doctrine, or my church. You see, I have made these "things" replace Christ's sacrifice. More than that, you know what scares me, I am training my children to be self righteous little pharisees as well. How often do I here "that shirt shows her belly, she wears a bikini, they watch Hannah Montana, she has a boy friend, they talk back to their parents, they don't go to church". Shame on me. No wonder my children can't get over that being a Christian is not about what you "do". That is all I ever teach them. RULES!!! Even I know the old saying, "Rules without Relationship lead to Rebellion". Please pray that I will begin by having a right relationship with Jesus and second that I might retrain my children that it is better to be the adulterer laying forgiven at the feet of Jesus than the self righteous Pharisee whose knowledge of God's LAWS keep them from ever really know Christ, the friend of sinners.

Microphthalmia

I have been rethinking Judson's treatment and studying things out for myself. His eye Dr. is a wonderful man but is mostly concerned with Judson's vision and the protection of the good eye (which is a good thing) but is not intense on the cosmetic side of things. You all know that at first I was told that I could get his prosthetic at 4 or 5 years. That bothered me so bad. I did not want my son being stared at for that long. So asked if we could get it sooner and The Dr. was just sorta vague and said we could discuss it at his 6 mo. check up. At the time, that was good enough for me but now it is not. I researched deeply and found several children who already had there prosthetic at 3 months old. So I started E-mailing and Judson now has an appointment with the Ocularist Aug.6th. YEAH!!! The Opthamologist deals with the vision while the Ocularist deals with the cosmetic side and all my microphthalmia yahoo friends say that the Ocularist will be my best friend because he will make Judson look normal. I am so thankful for the Internet and all the information I have found out. At the appointment we will find out if he will need conformers, which are plastic shells that are changed out progressively to stetch the tissue to prepare it for the prosthetic. If he doesn't need conformers then he will immediately get his prosthetic and be good to go until he out grows it and need another. I can't wait to see my baby with 2 big eyes. Sorry for the spelling errors and such I am in a hurry and just wanted to get this posted.

Squealing Happy

You've been there right. When you are so happy you just want to squeal like a little girl and believe me, they do squeal. My heart is overflowing with thanksgiving once again. Yesterday a dear friend, who having read my blog, knew the week I'd had, decided to lavish me with a gift that I do not deserve. She gave me a "Spa Package" to Monet...manicure, pedicure, and a 1 hour massage. I have no way to let her know how thankful I truly am. You know those times when words just aren't enough, even an invite to dinner in return is such a small gesture to show another a thankful heart. It is not just the spa package that I am thankful for. I am thankful that she ,first of all, has a giving heart and had already set money aside to be used to give as the Lord would lead. Second, that she did something for me. She knew if I would have received money it would have been put on something important but never in a million years would I have thought of a spa package. So, a big fat THANK YOU is in order but is still so small.

Now that you all know why I am squealing happy I need your help. I have never in my life done anything like this before. You know me, having my hair done by a professional was a major event in my life. Monet...just the name is intimidating. The pedicure is the least stressful in my mind. I like to paint my toe nails and I am going to the beach soon so I would love to have beautiful toes at the beach. Then there is the manicure. Can I play football after having one of those? I am going to be walking around with my fingers straight as a board for a month trying to hang on to the manicure as long as I can. Now, the big stress, the massage. Ya'll, I'm nervous. I have a few questions that you may can answer for me. First, do I have to be nude. (OMG I am red just typing it) Second, I feel like I am going to walk in this place and alarms are going to go off with the announcement "Country bumpkin trying to live outside her class". Everyone is going to take one look at me and know that I drove all the way from PIEDMONT to get there. And if I have any conversation with anyone I will tell them that I have 7 children. Now I already don't fit in but now they are going to be thinking "there she is living on welfare, having one child after the next with no telling how many different men and spending her money on a massage, how dare she" Third worry, will a man be massaging me, cause you know, Eric wouldn't go for that?

Despite all my worries, I am so excited. It sounds so selfish, but only having to think of me for a couple of hours sounds so nice.

God's people are priceless. My thanksgiving list is just getting longer and longer.
11. The spa package
12. Money from a wonderful couple to take the family out. We went out to eat and to the movies. We did not have to share a community drink and no dollar menus. I could say "tell the waitress what you want". My children were so excited sitting there with their own drink and a huge plate of food. And we did not go to the drive in movie, but the real thing. Thank you friends for a great night out with the family.
13. An invite to dinner this Sunday after church. I know what a service this is. Not only are these people being hospitable, opening up their home, but they are opening it up to my family. I know we are overwhelming.
14. Feeling like family when I'm invited to go to Lisa S.'s parents house.
15. Uncle Bar and Aunt Suzie spoiling my children as only they can do.
16. Lisa giving my blogspot a makeover.

I am so thankful

 

Today at church we had an opportunity to share things that we are thankful for. My list, in a matter of seconds, was enormous. I decided then and there that I may not be able to speak them all at that moment but I could blog about them.

I am thankful for...
1.Our Great God. To steal the thoughts of John Piper, God has made himself the blazing center of the universe. The God that I have the privilege to serve and worship and intimately know is also supreme over galaxies floating in endless space. From the top of Mt. Everest to the bottom of the Pacific Ocean. From the peaceful blue whale to the microscopic killer viruses. He is supreme! Over the first cell division of a tiny embryo to the next breath of the 102 year old lady in the nursing home. He is supreme over all weather, from hurricanes, monsoons, tornadoes, earth quakes, floods, snow, sleet, and rain. He is supreme over cancer, malaria, the flu, AIDS, and the wonderful antibiotics and drugs. He is supreme over all countries, armies, suicide bombings, nuclear threats, politics, elections, media, news, sports, entertainment, leisure, education, science, research, business, manufacturing, transportation, all information, and the Internet. As Abraham Kieper(sp?) famously said "There is not one square inch on planet earth that the risen Christ does not say... MINE!!!". I am so thankful that this same SUPREME GOD wants to be my friend and abide with me and calls me his son and that he alone made a way for this relationship to happen.
2. Grace Fellowship. My church is priceless to me. The leadership, teaching, older men and women, younger men and women, and children are irreplaceable. I am thankful for Carlton who preaches the truth with boldness and conviction and with wisdom far beyond his years. For Aaron who is the most humble man I have ever known. For Carlton Brown who's administrative skills and responsibility never keep him from playing with our children. For Ms. Pinkston who is an irreplaceable jewel. For Dave and his immeasurable sacrifice that he and his family have made to serve our church. For the missionaries spread abroad that our church sends out and those that have returned with hearts overflowing at what God is doing around the world. For the gospel of Jesus Christ and the call for sinners to repent being proclaimed at our church(despite popular belief) so clearly yet so intense that even the mature believer must examine himself.
3. God's healing hand. Hearing Aaron give his testimony of praise and thanksgiving was an emotional ride. Hearing his raspy, weak voice is a bitter reminder of what pain and suffering he has been through but on the flip side it is a sweet reminder that God is merciful. Aaron can speak!!!
4. My children. They all woke up healthy this morning.
5. Eric. He is the love of my life.
6. My mama who entertains me when Eric is on 2nd, buys me dinner and serves us all ice cream.
7. My dear friends who listens to my roller coaster rides of ideas, dreams and plans. Who pulls me through when I am down and hangs on tight when I am not.
8. Melanie, who for ANY reason is a phone call away.
9. Honda. I never want to forget where our paycheck comes from.
10. Blogging

Happy "Plastic" People

OK First of all, why is all of my stuff that is supposed to be on the left hand side stuck way down on the bottom? I can't figure it out.

I have been thinking this week "why do I like to blog?". I have many answers. I want people to know my family, I like to journal my life for myself, I think my children and my husband are the best ever and I want everyone to know that, and it's like therapy to just get to THINK about what to say and when people comment they have THOUGHT of their comments. You know what I am saying..we all listen before we speak in blog world. We can also be, and our family can be who we want them to be in blog world...right? Well this week blogging took a cold and hard turn to real life for me. I read a blog of a precious family who lost their 4 year old daughter. The post leading up to that horrible morning was much like the rest of ours...LIFE, wonderful LIFE. But then there was death that would change these people forever. One blog they are enjoying the summer with all it holds, the next ultimate sorrow.

Death has hit so many children that are special to me. Of course we all think "will I be next?" Well imagine if you have 7 and the odds and all that stuff. Well even our children think about it. My niece must ask every night before she goes to bed if she will wake up in the morning. Even she knows tomorrow has not been promised. Mary-Grace asked how they fit adults into such small caskets because she has never seen an adult casket before.

Those of you who have lost a child speak of Christ in a way that I am envious of. It is almost as if you are talking of someone that I have tons of knowledge and a friendship with but I have never felt Him like what you describe. Does that mean that I don't know Him or that I have just not expierenced the grace that you have? I have been thinking of all the "ifs" and "what would I do" and "how would I act". Would I be as vocal about the goodness of our great God or would I want to curse God and die. Maybe I would want to do both. Eric told me that I need to search myself and cling to God's Word because you never know when a trial will come. I have been afraid of God this week. Remember in Chronicles of Narnia when asked of Aslan if he was safe. The answer was "He is good but he is not safe". That is what has came to my mind over and over ...HE IS GOOD but is he safe? Well, eternally for believers, he is safe but I guess he is not that safe. Something that powerful cannot be safe unless it is for our good, which is all about His glory and that, I know, is SAFE.

Ok so all this real life stuff has made me want to be very real, even on my blog. So here goes...My children are wonderful and cute but today I have had about as much as I can stand. Three nights up on and off with MG and Ely who have ear aches, 2 more nights up with JM because he has a stopped up nose and can't suck his thumb, and of course Jadon, the early bird, insisting on breakfast at 6:30am. Now this week Eric is working his 2nd shift rotation. I really can't describe how difficult it is with him working 2nd. We get to see him just as much but its different. It's like I have a visitor coming for a nice lunch that I must prepare for, they stay a while to visit and then they leave. All the resposibility of these kiddos is on me. And night times are the worst. After supper, baths, and bedtime I want to scream and then go be by myself. But OH NO!!! not this week, chaos decides to keep happening right at bedtime and someone needs just a little more attention, attention that I do not want to give, even to a 6 year old crying with a earache. So today I really needed a nap. You would think that since I have done this before and since I have read all the books I would know how to prepare my family that mama is taking a nap. Well I didn't! I just wanted to lay down for a nap with out all the work. The only thing that was going my way was that Judson was asleep. You know you can't choose when you are going to feel exhausted and around 4pm it hit. That is also the time that Elyona decided to make a quilt, Bailey and Annalee decided to make a purse without any knowledge of what they were doing, Mary- Grace wanted to make a key chain charm thingy, Jadon wanted to be a horse and all that comes with that, and John-Mark, fresh up from a nap, just wanted to do it all. I wanted to SLEEP. I never did get to sleep but I did get to spank 3 of them for what I am sure was a good reason and I was able to cry and tell all of them how they must not love me because they will not let me sleep. After that they let me have some quiet but all I could do was lay in bed an feel sorry for myself because I have no grandmother who comes and takes them all for a week while I get to pamper myself. Then duty calls and I must get up and fix supper, guilt kicks in and I make my rounds begging for forgiveness and then I find myself in a familiar place, begging God to forgive me for being such a wretch and pleading for discipline.

I want to be real even when I blog so that if my world comes crashing down with all my walls around me, you will have seen a bit of me being raw and ugly.

I have been listening to some hymns today and here is some words that have ministered to me.

In the cross alone I glory, Recognition laying down, Greatest treasures count as worthless, Standing next to heavens crowns.

Have a good weekend!!!

Co-Sleeping

 

 

Co-sleeping is for me. I know that many of you put your little ones in the crib right away and I will not fault you for that. But since this is my blog and I can have my own opinions I will say that you all are missing out. Every morning I get a great big high that carries me thru the day. This is how my night and morning usually go...I lay down with my fat bundle and we nurse to sleep. He stays tucked right up under me all night. When he wants to nurse there is no crying or getting up. He starts wiggling around a bit and I wake up just enough to get him latched on and back to sleep we fall. People ask if he sleeps through the night (nursing mothers know that this isn't a good thing for milk supply) and I say "yes, kind of" because we never really wake up. He never wakes up daddy and we have a peaceful night sleep. When we are sleeping it is like he is still inside of me. He is so close I can feel him breath. I know when he is too cold or too hot and can quickly make adjustments to make him comfortable. I am TOTALLY aware he is there and could never roll on him just like you would not roll over on your pregnant tummy while you sleep. I believe it is instinct. I know this may sound sick to some of your but others will understand exactly the way I feel. Sometimes I look at Judson and my others and I want to just eat them or squeeze them into me so hard that they become part of me, well sleeping with my babies is the closest thing I can get to fulfilling that kind of desire. It is the sweetest experience of my life. The best part of sleeping with Judson is the early morning when we wake up. He is tucked right up under me and has usually just got his tummy full. I start humming his hymn (I'd Rather have Jesus)in his ear and before he can open his eyes he has a smile stretched across his face. He starts stretching and smiling all at once getting ready for a new day and I am right there within a few inches to enjoy the show. Daddy loves it as well and would not have it any other way. I usually go to sleep with him watching over us like he is looking at the sweetest picture ever. He loves how much our babies love their mama. He and I both know that this is a season in our lives that will pass too quickly and we need to breath in every moment like it is our last. So every morning around 6:30 think of me while I am inhaling deep the sweetness of baby Judson.

By the way, many of you ask about Judson and his eye issue. Still nothing new. We will have a check up at 6 months and another at a year. That is when we will start to be fitted for safety glasses (to protect the good eye) and the painted prosthetic "shell" for the bad eye. Thank you for asking and being concerned. I have concluded that I like questions a lot more than stares. I hate when people see him for the first time and don't say anything. They just oooh and ahh and walk away. I know they are wondering what is wrong with his eye. ASK ME!!! It is so awkward. Do I wait until they ask or should I automatically throw out the info. Anyway, hope you enjoy the post and go love on your babies.