Happy "Plastic" People

OK First of all, why is all of my stuff that is supposed to be on the left hand side stuck way down on the bottom? I can't figure it out.

I have been thinking this week "why do I like to blog?". I have many answers. I want people to know my family, I like to journal my life for myself, I think my children and my husband are the best ever and I want everyone to know that, and it's like therapy to just get to THINK about what to say and when people comment they have THOUGHT of their comments. You know what I am saying..we all listen before we speak in blog world. We can also be, and our family can be who we want them to be in blog world...right? Well this week blogging took a cold and hard turn to real life for me. I read a blog of a precious family who lost their 4 year old daughter. The post leading up to that horrible morning was much like the rest of ours...LIFE, wonderful LIFE. But then there was death that would change these people forever. One blog they are enjoying the summer with all it holds, the next ultimate sorrow.

Death has hit so many children that are special to me. Of course we all think "will I be next?" Well imagine if you have 7 and the odds and all that stuff. Well even our children think about it. My niece must ask every night before she goes to bed if she will wake up in the morning. Even she knows tomorrow has not been promised. Mary-Grace asked how they fit adults into such small caskets because she has never seen an adult casket before.

Those of you who have lost a child speak of Christ in a way that I am envious of. It is almost as if you are talking of someone that I have tons of knowledge and a friendship with but I have never felt Him like what you describe. Does that mean that I don't know Him or that I have just not expierenced the grace that you have? I have been thinking of all the "ifs" and "what would I do" and "how would I act". Would I be as vocal about the goodness of our great God or would I want to curse God and die. Maybe I would want to do both. Eric told me that I need to search myself and cling to God's Word because you never know when a trial will come. I have been afraid of God this week. Remember in Chronicles of Narnia when asked of Aslan if he was safe. The answer was "He is good but he is not safe". That is what has came to my mind over and over ...HE IS GOOD but is he safe? Well, eternally for believers, he is safe but I guess he is not that safe. Something that powerful cannot be safe unless it is for our good, which is all about His glory and that, I know, is SAFE.

Ok so all this real life stuff has made me want to be very real, even on my blog. So here goes...My children are wonderful and cute but today I have had about as much as I can stand. Three nights up on and off with MG and Ely who have ear aches, 2 more nights up with JM because he has a stopped up nose and can't suck his thumb, and of course Jadon, the early bird, insisting on breakfast at 6:30am. Now this week Eric is working his 2nd shift rotation. I really can't describe how difficult it is with him working 2nd. We get to see him just as much but its different. It's like I have a visitor coming for a nice lunch that I must prepare for, they stay a while to visit and then they leave. All the resposibility of these kiddos is on me. And night times are the worst. After supper, baths, and bedtime I want to scream and then go be by myself. But OH NO!!! not this week, chaos decides to keep happening right at bedtime and someone needs just a little more attention, attention that I do not want to give, even to a 6 year old crying with a earache. So today I really needed a nap. You would think that since I have done this before and since I have read all the books I would know how to prepare my family that mama is taking a nap. Well I didn't! I just wanted to lay down for a nap with out all the work. The only thing that was going my way was that Judson was asleep. You know you can't choose when you are going to feel exhausted and around 4pm it hit. That is also the time that Elyona decided to make a quilt, Bailey and Annalee decided to make a purse without any knowledge of what they were doing, Mary- Grace wanted to make a key chain charm thingy, Jadon wanted to be a horse and all that comes with that, and John-Mark, fresh up from a nap, just wanted to do it all. I wanted to SLEEP. I never did get to sleep but I did get to spank 3 of them for what I am sure was a good reason and I was able to cry and tell all of them how they must not love me because they will not let me sleep. After that they let me have some quiet but all I could do was lay in bed an feel sorry for myself because I have no grandmother who comes and takes them all for a week while I get to pamper myself. Then duty calls and I must get up and fix supper, guilt kicks in and I make my rounds begging for forgiveness and then I find myself in a familiar place, begging God to forgive me for being such a wretch and pleading for discipline.

I want to be real even when I blog so that if my world comes crashing down with all my walls around me, you will have seen a bit of me being raw and ugly.

I have been listening to some hymns today and here is some words that have ministered to me.

In the cross alone I glory, Recognition laying down, Greatest treasures count as worthless, Standing next to heavens crowns.

Have a good weekend!!!